Joscelyn Bivins

What is invisible but essential about YOU? or ESADE? or Barcelona?

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had to temporarily say goodbye to my fellow classmates and as I settle in to a summer in the States, I’ve spent some quality time reflecting on my MBA experience so far. While there were many high-highs and low-lows, I can confidently say the highs outweigh the lows. When I had decided to pursue my MBA abroad, I was looking to have my mindset and lived experiences as an American challenged. I wanted to push myself outside of my comfort zone and immerse myself in an environment where English wasn’t the main language and the culture was completely different. Now that I have had a month to relfect, I can comfortably articulate what makes me Invisible but Essential. To simply put it, privileged, something I never considered myself to be prior to moving to Spain.

Growing up in the United States as a Black woman, there’s many trials and tribulations one faces as part of the Black community within our own country. Whether it be the Black tax, cultural appropriation, socioeconomic inequality, racism and even unconscious bias, many aspects of being a Black American are deeply systemic and it can be hard to even put into words the effects that this has on individuals, even for myself.

I grew up in a single family home raised by a mother who instilled a hustler mentality in me from a young age. My mother often worked two jobs to ensure I was able to attend private school up until age 12 and live in school districts that had some the best public schools in the state. From a young age, I was inspired by her hustle and sacrifice and made it a point in my life to work hard not only set myself up for success, but to make her proud. From working as a grocery store bagger at 14, I’ve at times held multiple jobs at once in effort to support myself throughout my undergrad and even now within my MBA journey. Because of this upbringing, I never considered myself privileged, but solely a hard worker. I knew that if I didn’t hustle and figure out how to advance on my own, my family nor the country where I was raised could support me.

People look at America as the land of opportunity. And while that may true, people of color, whether that be Hispanics, Blacks, Asians or Native American, as well as those within the LGBTQIA+ community, often have to work twice as hard as their Caucasian counterparts. This has been made even more relevant in 2023 considering LGBTQIA+ marriage, affirmative action, legal abortion and student loan forgiveness has all been struck down by the US’s Supreme Court.

Part of the reason I sought out to live abroad is due to this idea that my social rights may not remain intact. It’s a scary time being a minority in the States, especially as a Black woman. I remember doing my research before moving to Spain and seeing minorities in Europe being treated well and overall feeling safer. The complete opposite to the uneasiness i felt growing up in my own country. But when I arrived in Spain, I never thought people would consider me privileged.

I must say I felt ignorant when I learned of the trials and tribulations my peers go through from a visa perspective. I didn’t know the extent passport strength played in someone’s life until I moved abroad and I admit, that’s the American privilege I hold. But what has made me feel invisible is the lack of identify I felt at times because I am considered “just another American”. In reality, my experience as a minority within America is completely different than to some of the peers I share a Nationality with.

As I’ve edited and rewritten this article in the past month and thought about my MBA experience, what makes me invisible but essential is my upbringing and the fact that I am the only Black American woman within the cohort. I am appreciative of everything my passport affords me from a global perspective, but I want my voice and experiences within my home country to be known. I’m seeing this next phase of my experience as an opportunity to speak more openly about the things I’ve faced. I no longer want to see these types of discussions as a tokenization of my background, but more as a way to educate my peers of the not so beautiful side of America. Although I may feel invisible at times, I know what makes me essential.